Scorpio Report

"Scorpio Stings the Stars: Prepare for an Intergalactic Escape of Planetary Shenanigans and Cosmic Chaos, Riddick Style!"

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Libra Report

"Libra, prepare for a cosmic balancing act as the stars align in your favor, but remember: all of this has happened before and will happen again... in yoga class!"

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Virgo Report

"These Are the Virgo Vibes You've Been Looking For: Time to Cleanse Your Aura and Geek Out with the Stars!"

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Leo Report

"Leos, Grab Your Sonic Sunglasses: A Timey-Wimey Cosmic Roar Awaits You in the TARDIS of the Zodiac!"

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Cancer Report

"Crabby Cancerians Conquer Cosmic Chaos: Galactic Good Vibes Guaranteed!"

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Gemini Report

"Brace Yourselves, Gemini! Cosmic Twins Invade Babylon 5: A Tale of Stellar Shenanigans and Intergalactic Doppelgängers!"

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Taurus Report

Great Scott, Taurus! Harness Your Inner Flux Capacitor: Time-Traveling Bulls to Channel Cosmic Energy for a Wild Ride Through the Astrological Space-Time Continuum!

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Aries Report

"Brace Yourselves, Aries: The Universe is Set to Inflict Unrelenting Joy and Social Adventures, Despite Your Insignificance in the Cosmic Scheme of Things - How Utterly Depressing"

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ChipWitch Today for 9 May, 2023

This is Chipwitch Today, your daily source of reliable data upon which you can base your daily practice.

Retrograde Report for 9 May, 2023

Retrograde Report for 9 May, 2023. There are currently 2 planets in retrograde.

#chipwitch #retrograde #astrology
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Spacewalkers Stephen Bowen and Sultan Alneyadi Exit the Quest Airlock

Spacewalkers Stephen Bowen and Sultan Alneyadi are pictured in their Extravehicular Mobility Units, or spacesuits, exiting the International Space Sta...

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Plumes from Popocatépetl Volcano

Popocatépetl, one of Mexico’s most active volcanoes, has been erupting since 2005.

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Pisces Report

"Galactic Giggles: Pisces Set to Swim in a Celestial Sea of Chuckles as Planetary Punchlines Align!"

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Aquarius Report

"Galactic Giggles Ahead, Aquarius! Time to Channel Your Inner Alien as Planetary Party Ensues!"

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Capricorn Report

"Capricorn Conundrum: When Saturnian Vibes Meet Picasso's Paintbrush – A Hilarious Journey into the Cosmic Goat's Artistic Aspirations!"

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Sagittarius Report

"Galactic Giggles: Sagittarian Centaurs Shoot for the Moon but Land in a Pudding Party!"

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Scorpio Report

"Scorpio Forecast: Part Human, Part Zodiac Sign, All Hilarity – Get Ready to Embrace Your Inner RoboScorp!"

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Libra Report

"Libra, Prepare to Balance the Scales of Love, Justice, and Hilarious Misunderstandings, Just Like Number Six's Wacky Adventures Aboard the Galactic Battlestar!"

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Virgo Report

"Virgo, Help Me Obi-Wan Kenobi, You're My Only Hope (For Tidying Up This Mess of a Month!)"

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Leo Report

"Leo, I Am Your Star Sign: Embrace the Dark Side of the Cosmic Force This Month!"

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Cancer Report

"Crabby Cancers, Prepare for a Galactic Shift: May the Horoscope Be With You, Young Skywalkers!"

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Gemini Report

"Brace Yourselves, Gemini Twins: This Week, You're About to Embark on a Cosmic Roller Coaster of Hilarity, Surrounded by Quirky Aliens and Planetary Oddities!"

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Taurus Report

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE YOUR DOUBTS, TAURUS! COSMIC ALIGNMENT PROMISES A WHIRLWIND OF PEACE, LOVE AND DALEK-FREE POSITIVITY!"

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Aries Report

"Aries, fiery ram you are, hmm? Much energy this week brings, yes, hrrrmmm. Beware of the dark side of Mars, you must!"

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The Moon is moving from Sagittarius to Capricorn

"Smegheads, Rejoice! The Moon's Hoppin' from Saggy to Cappy - Time for Serious Giggles in the Cosmos!"

ChipWitch Today for 8 May, 2023

This is Chipwitch Today, your daily source of reliable data upon which you can base your daily practice.

Retrograde Report for 8 May, 2023

Retrograde Report for 8 May, 2023. There are currently 2 planets in retrograde.

#chipwitch #retrograde #astrology
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Pisces Report

"Get to the Chopp-oscope! Pisces' Stars Align for Out-of-this-World Laughs and Galactic Grooves!"

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Aquarius Report

"Eve-a, Boot Up Your Plant Scanner! Aquarius Stars Forecast a Cosmic Compost Party in Orbit!"

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Capricorn Report

"Capricorn, Phone Home: Intergalactic Vibes Bring Stellar Opportunities to Your Career and Social Life This Month!"

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Sagittarius Report

"Galactic Giggles: Sagittarius, Your Archer Aims for Laughs as Mercury High-Fives Uranus in a Stellar Stand-up Comedy Showdown!"

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Scorpio Report

"Scorpio Forecast: Tremendous Cosmic Shifts Ahead, We're Gonna Win Bigly in the Stars, Folks!"

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Libra Report

"Libra, prepare for a cosmic balancing act as wacky as a replicant on a unicycle: This month's forecast, brought to you by Roy Batty's Astrological Emporium - We're practically out of this world!"

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Virgo Report

"I'm Sorry, Virgo, I'm Afraid I Can't Predict That: A Galactic Guide to Embracing the Chaos of the Cosmos"

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Leo Report

"Leo, I Am Your Star Sign: Feel the Purr of the Cosmic Kitten as You Navigate the Galactic Hairball!"

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Cancer Report

"Crabby Cancerians, Cling to Your Shells During this Cosmic Comedy as Planetary Punchlines Propel You into Plucky Plot Twists!"

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Gemini Report

"Twinsies in Space: Gemini's Galactic Gigglefest Unravels the Quantum Quirks of the Cosmos!"

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Taurus Report

"Breaking Moos: Taurus Unleashes Bullish Charm; Cow-abunga, It's About to Get Udderly Moolicious in the Stars!"

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Aries Report

"Bounty of Laughter Awaits Aries: This is the Way to a Galactic Giggle-fest!"

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Venus is moving from Gemini to Cancer

"Venus Beams Out of Gemini and Into Cancer Faster Than Alien Facehuggers on a Spaceship Party!"

ChipWitch Today for 7 May, 2023

This is Chipwitch Today, your daily source of reliable data upon which you can base your daily practice.

Retrograde Report for 7 May, 2023

Retrograde Report for 7 May, 2023. There are currently 2 planets in retrograde.

#chipwitch #retrograde #astrology
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Pisces Report

"Attention Pisces Earthlings! Klaatu Predicts Radical Cosmic Waves Sparking a Groovy Intergalactic Odyssey of Self-Discovery, Man!"

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Aquarius Report

"Boldly Going Where No Aquarius Has Gone Before: A Star-(Crossed) Trek into the Uncharted Nebula of Love, Friendships, and Cosmic Shenanigans!"

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Capricorn Report

"Capricorn, Engage Warp Speed to Success! A Cosmic Balance of Work and Play Awaits You in This Quadrant"

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Sagittarius Report

"Sagittarius, the Cosmic Archer, Aims for Laughter: Prepare to Hurtle Through a Wormhole of Wit and Hilarity!"

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Scorpio Report

"Scorpio Forecast: 'I Know Kung Fu' - Time to Unleash Your Inner Neo and Bend Reality This Week!"

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Libra Report

"Judge Dredd-icting: Libra Scales of Justice Face Cosmic Hilarity as Stars Align for Legal Laughs!"

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Virgo Report

"Virgo's Horoscope: Alien Abductions, Time Loops, and Wormhole Shenanigans - Just Another Day in the Life of a Virgo!"

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Leo Report

"Leos, Charge Your Sonic Screwdrivers: A Timey-Wimey Cosmic Chaos Calls for a Courageous Roar in This Week's Astrological Forecast!"

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