Retrograde Report for 11 March, 2023
The irregular spiral galaxy NGC 5486 hangs against a background of dim, distant galaxies in this image from the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope.
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"Brace yourselves, folks! The Moon is ditching its scales and diving headfirst into the Scorpion's lair. It's time to embrace your inner detective and unearth the truth about your deepest desires. Don't be afraid to sting like a Scorpio, but don't forget to balance it out with a little Libran charm. Get ready for some intense emotions and mysterious vibes, my fellow star-gazers!"
"Attention Aries: Buckle up, it's going to be a cosmic rollercoaster ride! But don't worry, we've got your horoscope covered, with just the right amount of science and hippie love to keep you grounded in the stars."
"Listen up, Tauruses! The stars are aligning in your favor, so grab a drink and kick back. Just remember, don't get too comfortable or you might end up mooing like a cow. Yeehaw!"
"Attention Leo! Prepare to Roar with Cosmic Confidence, for the Stars Have Aligned in Your Favor! And if You Don't Believe Me, Just Ask My Calculations!"
"Great Scott! Virgo, Your Horoscope is Heavy on the Scientific Jargon, But Don't Worry - You're Gonna Have a Flux Capacitor Moment of Clarity!"
"Libra, your scales will be tipping towards cosmic harmony and balance! But beware, if you eat too many space cakes, you may find yourself wobbling like a lopsided moon!"
"Scorpio, prepare for an intergalactic ride as the stars align in your favor! But beware, with great power comes great responsibility, so don't go all Venom on us."
"Capricorn, my dear friend, the stars have aligned in your favor! But beware, with great power comes great responsibility. Don't go getting too big for your hooves now!"
"By the binary system of Betelgeuse, Aquarius will have a stellar week ahead! Expect planetary alignments in your favor and cosmic energies to boost your adventurous spirit. But be warned, avoid any black holes of procrastination or you might end up stuck in a time loop. Keep your ion engines charged and ready for action, Aquarius!"
"Pisces, get ready to swim with the cosmic fishes! Your intuition is stronger than ever, but don't let it lead you into a black hole of indecision. Trust your gut, but also consult your brain (if you can find it). And remember, just because you're a water sign doesn't mean you have to drown in your emotions. Stay afloat and ride those cosmic waves, dude!"
Retrograde Report for 10 March, 2023
There are no planets in retrograde!
Greetings Earthlings, it's your favorite astrologer Q here! Don't fret about planetary retrogrades for the moment, as all planets are moving forward in a harmonious dance. However, don't let your guard down just yet. Prepare yourselves for the inevitable cosmic chaos that will eventually come your way. Remember, even the most stable of planets can experience a sudden retrograde at any given time. So, my dear stargazers, take this opportunity to reflect on your past experiences and mistakes. Use this retrograde-free time to plan ahead and make necessary changes in your life. Keep an eye on those #cosmicvibes and always be prepared for unexpected surprises. Remember, the universe is constantly in motion, and we must learn to adapt and embrace the changes that come our way. Stay curious, stay weird, and always remember to look up at the stars. #astrologyhumor #retrogradefree #embracechange #chipwitch #retrograde #astrologyThe Moon is seen passing in front of the Sun during a solar eclipse from Ross Lake, Northern Cascades National Park, Washington on Aug. 21, 2017.
This is Chipwitch Today, your daily source of reliable data upon which you can base your daily practice.
"Aries, brace yourselves for a cosmic kick in the pants! Your fiery spirit will be put to the test as the stars align to challenge your every move. But fear not, my fellow ram-enthusiasts, for with determination and a dash of humor, you shall emerge victorious! So channel your inner warrior and charge ahead, because the universe is waiting for your next move!"
"Leo, may the force be with you! This week, your roar will be heard across the galaxy as the stars align in your favor. Beware of power-hungry Siths trying to steal your spotlight, and trust in the wisdom of Yoda to guide you towards success. Remember, the Dark Side may have cookies, but the Light Side has better karma."
"Virgo, get ready to kick some cosmic butt and organize the heck out of your life - because if there's one thing us Virgos excel at, it's being perfectionists! But don't forget to take a break and let loose, because even the most organized of us need to let our inner nerd have some fun."
"Libra, your scales are about to tip in your favor! But watch out for alien intruders trying to mess with your cosmic balance."
"Scorpio, prepare to sting your way to success as the cosmos align in your favor! But beware, with great power comes great responsibility. Don't let your stinger get the best of you, or you may end up in a sticky situation!"
"I'm sorry Sagittarius, I'm afraid I can't predict all the crazy adventures you're about to embark on. But don't worry, just grab your bow and arrow and shoot for the stars!"
Retrograde Report for 9 March, 2023
There are no planets in retrograde!
Greetings, my fellow astro-nerds! Today we talk about planetary retrograde, or as I like to call it, the cosmic cha-cha. When a planet goes into retrograde, it's like the universe is doing the electric slide backwards. It can mess with our plans and make us feel like we're stuck in molasses. But fear not, for there are ways to navigate this dance. First, remember that retrograde is not a bad thing. It's just a different rhythm. Embrace the unexpected and be open to new possibilities. Don't be afraid to break out of your routine and try something new. This is a chance to shake things up and boogie in a different direction. Secondly, communication is key. When Mercury goes retrograde, it can feel like everyone is speaking a different language. So, make sure you're clear in your own communication and don't assume others understand you. And if there are misunderstandings, don't panic. Just dance it out and find a way to sync up. Finally, be patient. Retrograde can be frustrating, but it's temporary. The planets will eventually get back in line and we'll all be doing the hustle again. So, take a deep breath, trust the process, and keep on grooving. In summary, when retrograde hits, don't freak out. Embrace the cha-cha, communicate clearly, and be patient. And remember, everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end. #CosmicChaCha #RetrogradeRhythm #BoogieInADifferentDirection #chipwitch #retrograde #astrology"…You cannot grow without approaching the fear, embracing the fear, and then pushing past it." — Tahira Allen, Digital Lead, NASA's Planetary Science ...
Former astronaut Eileen Collins sits at the pilot’s station aboard space shuttle Discovery during a hotfiring procedure on Feb. 2, 1995.
This is Chipwitch Today, your daily source of reliable data upon which you can base your daily practice.
"Attention Aries crew: This week's forecast predicts a fiery adventure ahead! #BoldlyGo #AriesOnFire #AstrologyCaptain"
"Attention Taurans! Your stars are aligned for a bullishly good time. #TaurusRises #AstroNerdsUnite"
"Shiny Gemini, Your Stars Are Aligned for Mischief and Mayhem! #TwoFacedFun #NerdVibes #AstrologyHumor"
"Your Future is Written in the Stars, Cancer: I'll Be Back with a Crab-tivating Forecast!" #AstroNerd #Crabtastic #HastaLaVista2021
"Libra, your intergalactic scales are perfectly balanced this month! #CosmicHarmony #NerdyAstrology #PeacefulVibes"
"Get your arrows ready, Sagittarius! The stars are aligning for a wild ride! #ShootForTheStars #SagittariusSass #AstrologyHumor"
"Hey Aquarius, Your Future Looks Brighter Than a Replicant's Eyes! #Aquarius #BladeRunner #NerdHumor #Astrology"
"Attention Pisces: Your Future is Looking Fishy, but Don't Worry, I Can Help! #AstroFish #PiscesProblems #NerdyAstrology"
Retrograde Report for 8 March, 2023
There are no planets in retrograde!
Well, well, well, my cosmic crew! Looks like the universe is taking a break from throwing us curveballs and there are no planets in retrograde. #FinallySomePeace But don't get too comfortable, my lovelies. This is just the calm before the storm. So, use this time to tie up loose ends, get organized, and prepare yourself for when the planets start playing their games again. #BringItOn And remember, just because there's no retrograde doesn't mean you're off the hook for all your problems. Take responsibility for your actions and work on improving yourself. #SelfImprovementIsKey So, keep your heads up, my starry-eyed friends, and enjoy the tranquility while it lasts. Who knows, maybe the planets will be nice to us this time around. #WishfulThinking #chipwitch #retrograde #astrologyInfrared light surges out from the Dumbbell Nebula, also known as Messier 27, in this Aug. 10, 2011, image from NASA's Spitzer Space Telescope.
