"CAPRICORNS, PREPARE FOR STARRY DOMINATION! YOUR PLANETARY ALIGNMENT DEMANDS EXTERMINATION OF SELF-DOUBT!"

"Earthlings, Brace Yourselves! Capricorn's Planetary Alignment Promises More Twists than a Quantum Physics Equation!"

"Resistance is Futile: Capricorn's Planetary Alignment Demands Emotional Growth, Despite their Stubborn Persistence to Stay the Same!"

"Capricorn, Prepare for Galactic Shenanigans: Even Saturn's Rings Can't Hold You Back This Week!"

"Capricorn Forecast: Saturn's Rings Aren't Just for Show, Prepare for a Cosmic Hula-Hoop Contest!"

"Capricorn, Brace Yourselves! Saturn's Got Dad Jokes & It's Not Afraid To Use Them!"

"Capricorn: Expect Cosmic Goat Drama this Week as Saturn Pulls a Prank on Your Love Life!"

"Fasten Your Seatbelts, Earthlings! The Moon's Hopping from Capricorn to Aquarius - Expect Cosmic Whiplash and a Sudden Urge to Recycle!"

"Capricorns, Brace Yourselves: Saturn's in Retrograde and It's About to Get More Stubborn Than a Goat on a Skateboard!"

"Capricorn, This is the Horoscope You've Been Looking For: A Galactic Journey Through the Stars"

"Hold Onto Your Telescopes! The Moon's Swapping Its Archer Bow for a Mountain Goat's Hooves!"

"Capricorns, Brace for Impact: Saturn's Hosting a Cosmic House Party and You're the Guest of Honor!"

"Brace Yourselves, Space Cadets! The Moon's Packing its Cosmic Carry-on: Sagittarius is Out, Capricorn is In!"

"Capricorn: Buckle Up, Buttercup! Saturn's Ring Toss is About to Get as Real as a Vegan's Tempeh Tantrum!"

"Capricorns, Brace Yourselves! Saturn's Doing The Cha-Cha and It May Just Knock Your Spaceships Off Course!"

"Capricorn: Prepare for a Galactic Overload of Cosmic Energy. It's Almost Like the Universe is Trying to Make Up for Last Week's Existential Crisis!"

"Capricorn, Get Your Phaser Set To Stunning: Your Galactic Love Life is About to Warp Speed Ahead!"

"Great Scott, Capricorn! It's Time to Flux Capacitor Your Future: Will You Stay in 1955 or Jump to 2022?"

"Resistance is Futile, Capricorn! Planetary Alignments Dictate a Week of Unavoidable Social Interaction!"

"Breaking News: The Moon is Relocating from Capricorn to Aquarius - No Wall Can Stop It!"

"Capricorns, Brace Yourselves: Saturn's Ringing Your Doorbell Ready for a Cosmic Cuppa...and Maybe a Bit of Karmic Housecleaning!"

"Capricorn: Prepare for a Cosmic Goat-cha! Planets Align to Stir Your Inner Nerd – It's Time to Break out the Pocket Protectors!"

"Steady as a Mountain Goat, You Will Be: Capricorn's Galactic Forecast, It Is!"

"Brace Yourselves, Earthlings! The Moon's Packing Up Its Arrow and Goat Gear as It Road Trips from Sagittarius to Capricorn!"

"Capricorn, Buckle Up: Saturn's Ring Tossing You a Curveball of Galactic Proportions!"

"Capricorn, Brace Yourself: Saturn's Retrograde is Coming and It’s More Confusing Than a Vogon Poetry Reading!"

"Capricorn, get ready to take on the universe: Even Alien Xenomorphs can't resist your charm this month!"

"Capricorn, Brace Yourself: Gravity Takes a Holiday and Goats Start Floating!"

"Capricorn, Prepare to Stub Your Hooves on the Coffee Table of Destiny!"

"Capricorn, Your Stars are Aligning: Time to Embrace Your Inner Goat and Climb to New Heights...Just Don't Forget Your Safety Harness!"

"Saturn's in Retrograde, Capricorn! Time to Channel Your Inner Goat & Scale New Heights...or Just Stubbornly Refuse to Move!"

"Capricorn, Brace Yourself! Your Goat-like Stubbornness About to Face Cosmic Goat Yoga Session!"

"Capricorn, get ready! This week you'll have more ups and downs than a TARDIS on a dodgy flight path!"

"Capricorn, brace your circuits: It's not a trap, just Venus in retrograde! Prepare for emotional overloads and occasional system glitches!"

"Capricorn Supernova: Expect A Planetary Promotion, Unless Mercury Retrograde Sends The Memo To Uranus By Mistake!"

"Logical Forecast Alert: Capricorns, Brace Your Antennas! The Universe Sends an Illogical Abundance of Positivity Your Way!"

"Beep Boop Beep! Capricorn, Better Hold Onto Your Horns, Retrograde Is Going To Be A Wild Ride!"

"Capricorn, Buckle Up! Planet Alignments are More Tangled than a Sarlacc Pit, and You're the Bounty!"

"Capricorn Forecast: Mars in Retrograde - Great Time to Blame Your Problems on the Universe, Or Alien Abduction!"

"Logical Analysis Predicts: Capricorn, Prepare for a Cosmic Shift, Highly Illogical Yet Emotionally Profitable!"

"Capricorn, Brace Yourself for a Galactic Goat Rodeo: Stars Align in a Cosmic Hoedown!"

"Capricorn, Prepare for an Alien Invasion of Good Vibes and Cosmic Productivity: The Truth is Out There, and it's in Your Horoscope!"

"Capricorn, Get Ready to Quantum Leap Your Goatish Ways: It’s Time to Apply String Theory to Your Love Life!"

"Capricorn, Prepare to Engage Warp Speed: Your Love Life is About to Boldly Go Where No Goat Has Gone Before!"

"Capricorns, Brace for Galactic Chaos! Saturn’s Having a Midlife Crisis and Mars Forgot Its Yoga Pants!"

"EXTERMINATE Procrastination, Capricorn! Dalek-style Work Ethic is in Your Stars This Week!"

"Attention Capricorns! Your stars are aligning so perfectly, even Saturn's rings are jealous! Time to Rock-et!"

"Capricorn, Time to Buckle Up! A Rollercoaster of Planetary Shenanigans is Teleporting Your Way!"

"Capricorn, This Week You'll Be More Persistent Than a Goa'uld on a Power Trip - But Hopefully with Better Fashion Sense!"

"Brace Yourselves, The Moon is Pulling a Neo: Ditching the Corporate Capricorn for a Wild Dive into the Aquarian Matrix!"